Blog #8

Quote #1 Before & After

Quote #2 Before & After

Using the templates for forming a strong quote in They Say I Say, I learned that there are many ways to introduce a quote. I used the book to revise both my quotes so that they support my argument in a stronger way. The first quote I started off with saying “Southan states..”, and after I changed my quote it said ” In his article, “Is Art A Waste Of Time, Southan maintains that..”. By modifying the introduction to that quote, I was able to introduce the quote in a stronger way as recommended in They Say I Say. The second quote, I found at first hard to introduce. This was because it was a question but after I looked over the section on how to introduce a quote, I was able to fit an introduction into the question that Kaphar has. My first draft I introduced the quote as, “The question Kaphar has..”, and after I revised it I had a stronger introduction to the quote, “Kaphar overlooks what I consider an important question..”. This is a much stronger introduction as it incorporates my opinion as well, which is important and critical to this essay!

Blog #7

Paragraph 1

Before:

After:

Paragraph 2 

Before:

After:

After reading the Little Seagull Handbook, I realized that this source mentioned many different ways to develop strong paragraphs. Along with peer editing as being another helpful source in establishing a strong essay, the handbook basically restated the things I needed to focus on. My peer’s were able to direct their attention editing the important aspects that need to be expanded on more. In both the book and peer editing, I learned the basic skills and tricks to tighten a paragraph and build on ideas. I first revised a body paragraph, that I knew had room for improvement. After spending some time, I rewrote the paragraph focusing on staying on topic with the main idea about self importance and expression that an individual carries with their work. With my second paragraph, I chose to revise the “Shallow Pond” analogy that is an important piece to my essay. I learned the true meaning that the author was trying to convey, as my peers pointed out to me the area’s I need to focus on regarding the complex analogy. I did put a direct quote into that paragraph, so I worked on elaborating the important ideas and tie everything back to the power of art. In conclusion, I think both the handbook and peer editing, helped me realize the true focus of my essay and how to improve my skills as a writer.

Blog #6

After receiving helpful comments from my peers about my essay, I realized that my main goal with this paper will be to focus on my flow and word choice. I got a lot of positive feedback from my peers about this essay, and I am encouraging myself to keep writing and developing stronger ideas. Often when I write essays, I seem to skim past the details that are often very important. Making sure my essay has flow, and is easy to read is very important for the reader. I never have taken so much time out to reflect on writing an essay and editing it, but I believe this will be a helpful tool that I will use now and even in the future.

The steps I am going to take to fix the flow of my essay, is to first start off by re-reading my essay. By doing this, I will be able to point out some obvious grammar mistakes as well as see where the best fit is for all my sentences. I think that the hardest part of mastering flow will be having to re-write some sentences and place them in the right places. My peer’s noticed that in some of my paragraphs, I had sentences that were redundant. This will be difficult as you can only re-word an idea so much but I am thinking that with my tools that I have I can achieve this goal! I believe that it is important that the reader is influenced by a piece of writing, and I believe that if i focus on rewording some sentences and structuring it properly, I would have a great piece of writing.

The steps I am going to take to meet this goal, are not hard to obtain. I am going to use my resources, such as my professors comments as well as the books I have. If I realize I am having further issues that can not be found in the text or asking my teacher, I will go to SASC on campus and ask for a writing tutor. I have never gone to SASC but I believe that any type of tutoring would help in making my essay as strong and well-developed as it can be!

Blog #5

Ideas

After reading these essays, I realized that all can gain a stronger foundation if more ideas were shown. It is important to make sure that one’s essay contains structure, and in this essay it is okay to incorporate opinions. I broadly commented to one of the essays I reviewed to “Set up the introduction paragraph introducing “Art” and your opinion, as well as mention what the reader will be reading”. If this is done correctly, the ideas are able to be set up in a structured manner and will allow for good flow.

 

Evidence

Describing the “Shallow Pond” analogy, was difficult for some to incorporate into their essays. I mentioned when peer reviewing that explaining in detail what the shallow pond analogy was early on in the paragraph, allows for the reader to grasp the idea of the analogy. I mentioned,   “A suggestion would be to include an explanation of the quote that you directly pulled from the text, and incorporate the idea of art into it, as it is the main focus of the paper”. If the writer did this, it would allow the reader to grasp the idea of the shallow pond analogy and focus on relating this to the importance of art.

 

Organization

After reading all of the essays, I noticed that the structure was different from other’s essays. I mentioned on one’s essay, “This a good sentence, however it needs to be a concluding sentence that will tie into what the reader will be reading next”. This is important because with lack of structure and flow, ideas are not followed and often misunderstood. Organization is a very critical part when writing because all essays need layouts that can be easily followed.

Global Editing 

Global editing, I found, was very helpful. Looking at the comments my peers had made on my essay, allowed me to realize where I went wrong and how I can fix simple mistakes that will make my essay great. In class for the past couple weeks, I have found that annotating and underlining “bigger pictures” have helped me when I wrote this paper. I focused on the key information as well as some minor details that allow for good structure and flow. I enjoyed helping others edit their essays, as maybe my idea will allow them to branch out and expand a certain idea. This was an overall very beneficial experience as now I am able to pinpoint my mistakes and expand my ideas when doing so. Allowing others to read and critique my essay helped me in fixing obvious mistakes and allows me to continue to improve the quality of my essay. I hope in the future I am able to do this again, as for myself and my peers I believe that it is more helpful than not!

Blog #4

I was enlightened to read introductions produced by students in my class. I noticed its interesting to see what comes to one’s mind when setting up a paper to draw a reader’s attention in. After reading other’s paragraphs, I realized that lots of students started off by asking a question. This is a great way to hook a reader, although making sure the question is well-stated and elaborate is key. I found it beneficial to read others paragraphs, as the setup and ideas mentioned gave me a stronger foundation in how I can improve mine. I realized just by reading, what fit wells and what is considered “fluff” in an introductory paragraph.

Blog #3

In the TED talk “How Art Changes Us” by Titus Kaphar, I noticed his connections quickly regarding art and the power of history. Kaphar’s speech about African American drew me quickly as his talk was about an experience of his own, and his strong opinion on art. The statue of Teddy Roosevelt posted outside of a national history museum surrounded by a African-American and a Native American, demonstrated right away the way history still portrays the different races. The speaker goes on explaining the ways art is depicted in present day, with the bias that African Americans for example, aren’t being recognized for their work and appearance. Kaphar’s recreated a painting in order to show with texture and intensity the importance of recognizing African Americans in art. He mentioned in the article, “I take brush to canvas and try to bring alive of what I see and try and illuminate what I think the original painter didn’t see”. His new painting reveled the African American boy that was blurred in the original piece, showing his strong statements of equality and importance. His view on including all other races and minorities in art, showed me as a reader the importance of equality even if it’s just a piece of artwork.

The article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” by Rhy Southan, demonstrates the authors view on the importance of art as well as the influence of the growing Effective Altruism group. Southan’s article uncovered deep concepts such as the meaning of life and one’s contribution to the world. His opinion on art was strongly introduced as being important to society, although his views were swayed overtime. The Effective Altruists are a group of people that focus on the best contributions that are made to society, such as money and effort. Southan believes that art is still a way to contribute to the world, as all art has meaning. The EA contradict this opinion, as they think money is one of the only factors that can contribute to helping the world. Southan statement, “The idea that someone’s book, film, painting, or dance could be their way to reduce the world’s suffering..”, shows that artists still have meaning and importance in society, as the means of art can be used in different ways, such as therapy use and distraction. The author focused on his opinion on the power that art still has in society, despite groups like Effective Altruists trying to pivot individuals viewpoints the opposite way.

After drawing a concept map to direct my thoughts, I noticed that both articles focused on art both through artwork. The idea of equality is an importance topic that is discovered in both Southan’s article and Kaphar’s TED talk. Creating a concept map allowed me to make deeper connections with the meanings of the texts. I believe that art is influential to people in many ways, even if it is viewed as unimportant by some. I generalized the concept map, focusing on the underlying and persuasive topics, such as social class and the overall contribution to society. Both the article and the TED talk focused on art being a way to show meaning, as race was the main point in the TED talk. I gathered after connecting the two pieces that art will forever be meaningful to society as it does no physical harm and can still be used in powerful ways. I found myself as a reader, making connections and forming a favoring opinion with art. Despite the contradictions found with Effective Altruists, art should continue to live and be recognized in society.

Blog #2

After revisiting Southan’s article, I noticed I was more engaged in the reading. I gained a stronger understanding of the concepts in the text, such as his view on Effective Altruism. Southan shared many ideas about self worth and one’s small impact on the world. His article contained many deep questions that caught my attention after reading the article for a second time. Being able to re-read the text allowed myself to gain an opinion about Effective Altruism. I agree with Southan, as I realized that one’s contribution to the world is so small and can be easily surpassed by others. His had a strong opinion on artists being selfish with their work.  At first, I noticed it was hard to grasp the material in the text, but after overlooking it I was able to uncover the deeper meanings. I noticed as a reader that it is important to read texts more than just once, as there are many ideas and concepts that are concealed in texts. Glossing the text allowed me to engage more, as well as understand the full meanings that are being expressed. I underlined words that were new to me and I looked them up. Knowing the meaning of words helped me better comprehend the material. The following link was used to get definitions of words. http://www.dictionary.com/

A word from the text that I looked up was Crass. I was totally unfamiliar with the word until I looked it up online. Crass means “without refinement, delicacy, or sensitivity”.